breakingdownandbreakingopen

  Dean sent you a message. Subject: hey first!, joking!, i know what we agreed to but just wanted you to know i got home ok (didn't get lost :) ). No worries of discovery, hope the same for you (duh). It is winter, it is dark, and it is cold, and I feel warm, I might even be glowing. Drove home slow with the radio off and just.....ahhhhh. I am not expecting a reply anytime soon, just sharing. Wow, wow, wow. Please remember my reading list if doesn't overflow your already full plate. So much in my head (all good, thank you) but will wait until an appropriate time to dialog. Please don't let me distract you from some quality time with your mom. ahhhhhh MY REPLY??????????????????????????? 8:09.25 D sent you a message. Re: hey "exactly! wow please be there for awhile :)" 8:33.37 And so I stretched out on my mom ʼ s couch, with the laptop by my side and talked with Dean. K 3:13am...

  FAST FORWARD TO AFTER THE PARK. INSERT COMING HOME HERE................................................ I hadn't slept well at all. Along with the anticipation of seeing the man I now knew mattered, the man I still loved and wanted a future with, was the dread of not knowing how he would feel about me once he saw me. Threaded through these emotions were, desire: could I hold myself back, guilt:, I had no plan of doing anything to hurt my or Dean ʼʼ s family, but we were sneaking off to see one another, wasn't this hurtful enough, worry: that we would get caught and launched into something neither of us was desiring; the end of our relationships, nor prepared to manage should it happen, justice; oh I wanted him to regret not having kept me in his life, residual anger: for the pain I suffered not knowing if I had ever mattered to him, I needed to see it in his face, fear: for what I might disclose about my past, the secret I held for so many years, did I need to tell h...

  FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THE ORDER RIGHT ON MULTIPLE CONVERSATIONS GOING ON AT THE SAME TIME Missing more emails K 2:01am Hey D  2:01am yeahhhh! K 2:02am If you loose me it's temporary, stay on, or check back in, I'll be up for a while D  2:02am ditto, of course tonight my internet is shaky K 2:02am ditto Dan 2:03am i'm going to go first ok? K 2:03am and my kids are still up in a basement with SO sleeping expecting us to get to bed. k D is o ffl ine. 2:04am D is online. 2:04am D  2:05am I want to be wise, and accepting of all this but... I too am denying some feelings. You read that. Not sure what I said that made you think you are getting dumped. AS I said before, the more I try to answer, the more questions I have , I haven't analyzed as much as I thought K 2:06am I wouldn'...